Healthy level of insanity

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 

1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 

9. Sing Along At The Opera. 

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

And I bet the best is the one below you see.

Sincere thanks to my friend who sent me this email.

The vague efforts...

I'm trying hard
really
not to cry over you
because
every tear is just one more reminder
that
I don't know how to let you
GO

Your worth

The harder I am trying to be without you

Tougher it is getting to be without you

Because its only you who completes me

Wordless Wednesday - 2

image courtesy : universalscraps.com

The confession

The worst part

of our separation

isn't that 

with each passing day

I feel like I need you more

but the fact

that

you don't need me at all

Son of a bitch

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."

" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, she called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two,the sum of which is four."

Little Johnny's salesmanship

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up oncurrent events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!"

Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"