Never assume, always ask

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

Rajnikant v/s Amitabh

Rajnikantwas bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: --- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was
Just lucky.


"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says

"President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts - "Yes", Rajini says, "I know him.

And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way
to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up".


Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally onvinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to
name anyone else.


"The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies

"Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time".


Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side,

Rajini asks him, "What happened?"

Amitabh Bachan looks up and says,

"I was doing fine until you and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said - "Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"

Grandma in court

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney (the opponent's lawyer)?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.

Understanding women

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a
sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because
you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime
I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required
to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would
take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for
worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish,
a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I
wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside,
what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why
they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can
make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want single or double lane on that bridge?"

Love stuff

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,

or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,

who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on.

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares

and how lucky he is to have YOU... 

The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

And if he had to choose between loving you, and breathing, he would use his last breath to say I Love You.

33 facts about guys

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says 'no', a guy hears it as 'try again tomorrow'....... so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
11. Guys love their moms.
12. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
13. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
15. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
16. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.
17. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
18. Guys are very open about themselves.
19. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.
20. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
21. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.
22. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
23. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
25. Guys think too much.
26. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
27. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does! ... very true.
28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!
29. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
30. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.
31. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
32. Guys hate girls who overreact.
33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationships.


Doesn't this all make sense?

Dedicated to married men

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever

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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday.

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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.

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Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents

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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

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Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice