Misinterpretations.... Misunderstood

Sometimes its unfortunate but really funny when people intend to write something, but what they write conveys totally different meaning.  Below you can read some of such texts with regard to various contexts in life.  Do Enjoy.

"Since I have to go to my native village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one week leave."

-- Leave application by an employee


"As I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days."

-- Leave application by an employee who wanted to have mundan done for  his 10 year old son


"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant me one week's leave."

-- Leave application by an employee


"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am the only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

-- Leave application by an employee


"Since I have to go to the cremation ground at 10'o clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave."

-- Leave application by an employee who wanted half day leave


"I am suffering fromfever, please declare one-day holiday."

-- An incident of a leave letter


"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today."

-- From a student to headmaster


"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for day."

-- From another student to headmaster


"I am enclosed here with..."

-- Found on a cover note


"Dear Sir, with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

-- Found on another cover note


"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home, I may be granted leave."

-- Leave application from an employee


"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.

-- New letting writing style introduced


And the best one

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'Typist and an Accountant - male or female'....    As I am both for past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post."

-- Job application by a candidate








Image courtesy: nscblog.com

A mans' tension

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.   She was wearing a loose-fitting purple dress, sleeveless with straps. he was wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt.   As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.   Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately went crazy.   He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and two feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.   He was obviously very excited by the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.   He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom.   She played along and the gorilla got extremely excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall to show a little more skin.   She didm and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down!

"Now, show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.   This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips and charging the bars!

Immediately the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and hollered, "Now, tell him you have a headache and you are not in the mood now."

Image courtesy: coffeecoffeeandmorecoffee.com

Healthy level of insanity

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 

1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 

9. Sing Along At The Opera. 

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

And I bet the best is the one below you see.

Sincere thanks to my friend who sent me this email.

Son of a bitch

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."

" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, she called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two,the sum of which is four."

Little Johnny's salesmanship

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up oncurrent events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!"

Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

Little Johnny's

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!"

"Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered.

"Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?"

"How about a lollipop!" said Steven.

"Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said.

Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!".

The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?"

"Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Image courtesy: dhgate.com

Legal & Logical

After having failed his exam in Logistics and Organization, the student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject ?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question ?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal ?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor could not give the student any answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical ."

The secret of successful marriage

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 50^th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one."

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said: "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said: "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!".

Husband: "That's it. We are happy ever after. "



Image courtesy: scrapetv.com

Governance System

As a daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, "Dad! What does it mean by Governance System? "

"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, "Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the Governance System'? ".

Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"

Image courtesy: fivehens.com

How fight started

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"


And that's how the fight started...

---

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started...

---

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Haywards 5000 for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started...

---

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first - "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's how the fight started...

---

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust."

And that's how the fight started...

---

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started...

---

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her - "Do you know him?'' Yes, she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And that's how the fight started...

---

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'


And that's how the fight started...

---

THE ULTIMATE ONE ( I bet you can't stop laughing after reading this one )

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I  should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf, Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Office behavior

Below mentioned are few tips on how to behave in office to appear as a very good employee.

Never walk without a document in your hand - People with documents in their hand look like hardworking employee heading for important meeting. While people with nothing in their hand look like they are heading for the cafeteria. People with newspaper in their hand look like they are heading for loo.  And above all make sure that you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Use computers to look busy - Any time you use computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal emails, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.  These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they are not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you will get caught - your best defense is to claim that you were trying to learn new software, thus saving the valuable training expenses.






Messy desk - Top management can get away with clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we are not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; its the volume that counts. Pile them wide and high. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you will need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

Voice mail - Never answer you phone if you have a voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want you to work for them. That's no way to live.  Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they are not there - it looks like you are hard working and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.




Look annoyed and impatient - Always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses and colleagues the impression that you are always busy with some important projects.

Leave the office late - Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and story books that you always wanted to read, but had no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss's room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours and during public holidays.

Creative sighing for effect - Sigh loudly when there are  many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

Stacking strategy - It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc(thick computer manuals are good option).












Build vocabulary - Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargons and new products. Use the phrases  freely when in  conversations with your boss. Remember, they not necessarily have to understand all that you say but you must sound impressive.







Have 2 jackets - If you work  in a big open plan office, always leave  a spare jacket draped over the back of your chair. This gives the impression that you are still in the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere.

Last and the most important - Never let your boss let know of any of the above tricks.

Hope you enjoyed reading all this. But seriously speaking, don't follow this or you'll end up in a big mess. Because before you read this, your boss already has, so.

Image courtesy: jobdig.com, inmagine.com, ineedmotivation.com, dailyclipart.net, warwick.ac.uk, sff1.com, clipartof.com, wordpress.com, clipartguide.com, cartoonstock.com

The pickle pot

This is just a short fictional story based on absolutely nothing.

A guy and a girl used to live together, sharing the same flat. Everything was going fine until one day the boys' mother arrived there.

Boy(surprised): Mom!! You here ? You could have called me up.

Mom(smiling): Its ok son. Just wanted to see you so I dropped in. Thought I would surprise you.

Boy : Sure you have(long sigh).

When mom comes to know that his son is sharing the flat with a girl, she gets quite angry but says nothing. Predicting this boy speaks to his mom.

Boy: Mom don't you worry. We are just friends sharing the living place. We are not having any affair. Believe me.

Mom: Its ok son. I am not saying that you both are having any affair. But I am not liking this. You should have not done this. But I trust you.

Mom lives there for a weeks time and then goes back.

A couple of days later boy calls up his mom.

Boy: Hi mom !!

Mom: Hey, How are you ? All fine ?

Boy: I'm good mom(pause). Mom I am not trying to say that you did this intentionally but did by any chance you took the pickle pot from the kitchen with you when you left for home ? That belonged to the girl.

Mom: Son, I believed you when you said that you were just friends with the girl sharing your flat and not having any affair. But had it been that you slept in your own room on your own bed, you would have found the pickle pot right beneath your blanket.

Boy hangs up immediately.

Little Johnnys' medical knowledge

One fine day in the Sunday school, the lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.

Amanda  : Tylenol

Teacher : Very good! And what is it used for ?

Amanda  : It is used for headache.

Christine : Nytol.

Teacher   : Excellent. And what it is used for ?

Christine : To help you sleep.'

Now it is little Johnny's turn.

Jonhhy  : Viagra.

Teacher : Johnny, what is it used for ?

Johnny  : I think it can be used for diarrhoea.

Teacher : Who told you this ?

Johnny  : Nobody, but every evening Aunt Susan tells Uncle Sam - "Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder."

Little Johnny n Mary

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''G...od Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck the pin in  her rear again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped out of her seat and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' 

The Teacher fainted

Arab terrorists

Mohammad goes to school in France, enters his classroom (first day) :

'What is your name?', asked the teacher.

'Mohammad,' answered the kid.

'Here we are in France, there is no Mohammad, from now on your name will be Jean Francois', replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohammad returned home.

'The day went well Mohammad?' asked his mother.

'My name is not Mohammad, I am in France and my name is Jean Francois '.

'Ah, are you ashamed with your name?? Are you trying to disown your Parents? Your heritage ? Shame on you!!'. Then she beats him.

She called his father and told him what happened and he beats him too!!

Next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: 'What happened my little Jean Francois???'

'Well Mademoiselle, 6 hours after becoming French I was attacked by two Arab Terrorists...'

P.S. : This post is not meant to hurt anybody in anyway. Please do not take it seriously.

The Indian boy

A Indian boy on his first day at school in USA.

It was the first day of school and a new student name Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by
reviewing some American History.

Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said. Teacher said - "Very good".

Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrashekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class - "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians"
"Who said that?" teacher demanded.
Chandrashekhar put his hand up - "General Custer, 1862."

At that point, a student in the back said - "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks - "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrashekhar says - "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!"
Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher - "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" 

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." 

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!"
And Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq, 2005."

What guyz should know about gurlz...

 1. Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot.

 2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 

 3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models. 

 4. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care. 

 5. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint. 

 6. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary. 

 7. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not. 

 8. Don't take longer to get ready than we do. 

 9. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers. 

10. Do not start with us. You will not win... not kidding ... we ALWAYS win. 

11. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way. 

12. We will never have enough clothes or shoes! 

13. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month. 

14. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car. 

15. We love surprises! 

16. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue. 

17. Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most. 

18. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometimes . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER! 

19. Clean your room before we come over. 

20. Always brush your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity. 

21. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are. 

22. Sometimes even when you think we hate you, we don't, we just want you to apologize so we can be allowed to love you again. 

23. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right. 

24. DON'T LET EX-GIRLFRIENDS CAUSE DRAMA, RELATIONSHIPS ARE STRESSFUL ENOUGH!!!!! 

25. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays. 

26. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too. 

27. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to … YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! 

28. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware. 

29. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone. 

30. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot. 

31. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it. 

32. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out. (CARDINAL RULE) 

33. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you. 

34. When we’re cold, give us your jacket. 

35. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!" 

36. Don't say you understand when you don't. 

37. Girls are petty; get over it. We like to start fights. 

38. You don't have PMS, so don't act like you know what it's like. Don't try to understand...believe me you never will. 

39. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 

40. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big. 

41. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys. 

42. We are Drama queens; never forget that. 

43. Fashion police do exist. 

44. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about. 

45. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times. 

46. Don't make bets about us; we always find out; you may think we don't know, but WE DO! 

47. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it is not. 

48. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets. 

49. We are beautiful at all times. 

50. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why can't you aim in the toilet and not on it. 

51. Most importantly: we are always right in one way or another so don’t forget that!

Priceless wife

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Wife's are Priceless, isn't it true?

Never assume, always ask

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get
some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

Rajnikant v/s Amitabh

Rajnikantwas bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: --- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was
Just lucky.


"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says

"President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts - "Yes", Rajini says, "I know him.

And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way
to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up".


Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally onvinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to
name anyone else.


"The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies

"Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time".


Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side,

Rajini asks him, "What happened?"

Amitabh Bachan looks up and says,

"I was doing fine until you and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said - "Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"